CHAPTER FIVE
FALLON
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Prudentia cloaks us in cocoons, similar to the one put Cody in back on the ship when we began our training, but these aren’t all dark and quiet like Cody’s were. They’re just warm. And we’re not traveling as fast as we normally do, because the faster we travel the more noticeable we’ll be to beings in other dimensions.
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So here we are trucking along above the Arctic, bored to tears, as we travel through one of Prudentia’s famous wormholes, or portals, or whatever.
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With more time to think, the one thing I don’t freaking need right now, something occurs to me. As Cody’s courage has increased, I feel as if I’m losing mine.
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Every day, every second that goes by brings the possibility of more danger, and the longer this goes on, the greater the chance that something bad will happen to at least one of us.
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This fear, this paranoia—at least to this degree—isn’t like me. Normally, I’m the steadiest, the brave one leading the charge and standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. Always security-oriented, always ready, I’ve shown little fear. That is until things went to hell at the boarding school.
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Now, with each passing day, I’m almost expecting something to go wrong. Drastically wrong.
With the dangers we’ve faced, I’ve learned to have more respect for what could happen in future battles, and that I have to watch out for way more things than before. I just hope this doesn’t turn into a case of paranoia so strong that it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.
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That would suck wind.
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We’ve been lucky so far, but there’s every chance our luck will run out at some point. That’s why I want this over with soon and safely.
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As Prudentia dissolves the wormhole, I set aside my chaotic thoughts and focus on the now, breathing away my irritation. She sets us down upon a blustery, wind-whipped tundra.
Ridges of ice and snow extend as far as the eye can see, and in every direction except one. The one in front of us.
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“It is best if you do not dwell on the cold,” Prudentia says. “I will continue to shield you as best I can. We should arrive at our destination within minutes.”
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As we trudge along over the frozen ground, I take a moment to remember how I was before our parents lost their jobs and Mom went into her own world, before the Placidus took control of us and made us do their bidding.
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It’s an off-the-wall subject, but I’ve gotta think about something.
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I never thought of this before, but I was fun then! I had some good times with decent friends, dated a few hot guys, shared my first kiss (with the last person I thought would like me), and had a decent outlook on life.
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Those were simpler times. And even though they weren’t that long ago, I miss them dearly. Dad always said for us to enjoy our childhood, that we would spend the rest of our lives longing for these days.
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Even though I’m still only fifteen, I’m now seeing what he meant by that.
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Then my mind changes its tune, taking me back, right out of the blue, to a time when I wasn’t the protector, when I wasn’t so kind to Cody. And my mind fills with guilt all over again.
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Okay, where the hell did those thoughts come from?
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I was young and idealistic once. I thought women should be strong, almost carbon copies of men, only better. Weakness, especially in males, was something I’d despised. In my mind, if I could be tough as a girl, then it should be something natural to boys.
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Cody was always so sensitive and loving, but the slightest bad thing would throw him into a mental state that I couldn’t understand. He’d try to come to me and ask things, like why people were so mean when all he wanted to do was be kind to others and help them.
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I’d roll my eyes over how naïve he was, about how insecure and clueless he was regarding human nature. “People can be evil and mean. It’s just part of life. Not everyone will like you. Man up and get over it,” I’d tell him.
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But then I’d heard something that stuck with me. It came from a woman whom I’d looked up to and admired for her toughness. She took life by the horns and bent it to her will. That’s what I wanted to be. That’s the respect I wanted for myself.
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But that same woman later spoke about compassion for others, and how the strong should look out for the weak. She gave an example of something she’d seen happen, and the person she most loathed in this story sounded a lot like me.
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Hearing her story opened my eyes, and from that moment forward I saw my brother in a whole new light. I saw the goodness in his heart and wanted to protect and nurture that part of him.
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Cody is thoughtful, which isn’t a weakness. Just like that woman had said, the world needs more of that. The world needs more people like Cody, not a bunch of heartless hard-asses, like I used to be, making life hell for everyone else who they thought of as weak.
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I’ve been Cody’s biggest defender ever since.
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I think about him now and hope that he’s okay. I still get the feeling that I never should have agreed to let him and Joel do this on their own. Not that I feel much different about us and what we’re doing at the moment.
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I don’t know what it is. Something just … feels off, with everything.
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This journey has taken longer than I’d expected, and I haven’t been able to sense either of the boys since we entered the Arctic circle. Prudentia assures me they’ll be fine, but something still nags at me from somewhere deep in my mind.
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I have a bad feeling about all of this.